Communication is key to knowing yourself and to connecting intimately with others. Change your communication and you change your life. That’s why I use compassionate communication in all of my work with individual clients, as well as in all the food, parenting, embodied life, and other classes I teach.
Compassionate communication is based on the principles of nonviolence-- the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart. It’s a way of communicating as well as a way of life. Moving out of our heads into our hearts allows us to connect with ourselves and others … no matter how challenging. That’s why people who practice compassionate communication have found greater authenticity in their communication, increased understanding, deepening connection and lifelong learning.
All humans have feelings and needs. We all do the best we can with what we know or are capable in the moment. When we are in pain, we sometimes internalize that pain or project it onto others through negative behavior and/or talk.
When we see challenging situations as people in pain versus people who are mean, violent or bad, there is an opportunity to empathize with them (or ourselves) as human and to support them to connect with themselves. Instead of agreeing with someone or providing advice or consolation, compassionate communication simply involves listening empathetically with your heart and mind.
Compassionate Communication involves:
- Observing instead of evaluating.
- Stating feelings instead of thoughts.
- Articulating needs instead of strategies.
- Making requests instead of demands.
- Developing your skills of empathy.
Although we all know about these five steps, we have been trained in a language of blame, demands and entitlement, and our neuropathways are pretty familiar with that kind of language. We need to build new neuropathways by becoming self- responsible, by acknowledging feelings and needs.
This new way of communicating with ourselves and others is about being willing to be vulnerable, which often is scary. But through that vulnerability, you can really come alive and support others to be vulnerable.
Communication, whether with yourself or others, is a two way process speaking and listening. It starts with you. You can’t change the way someone else communicates. You can only change how you live and how you communicate. You can learn to:
- Slow down.
- Connect not just to your thoughts, but to your subconscious feelings.
- Speak the truth.
- Do not assume.
- Do your best.
- Acknowledge when your best may stimulate pain in yourself or someone else.
That is communication. That is healing.
Telephone: 541-389-0831
Email: carol@intobalancecoaching.com